opentheairforfreshwindows:

brave-fart:

brave-fart:

brave-fart:

brave-fart:

brave-fart:

brave-fart:

brave-fart:

brave-fart:

did you hear about the italian chef who died?

he pasta way

he just ran out of thyme

here today, gone tomato

his wife is still upset, cheese still not over it

we never sausage a tragedy coming

ashes to ashes, crust to crust

there’s just not mushroom for italian chefs in today’s world

spaghetti

(Source: sofunnyimcryan)

Is it just a bad night or am I getting bad again?
I ask myself this all the time

stupidswampwitch:

masooood:

safeidgul:

Why can’t there be a male hooter’s equivalent where male servers are shirtless and highly sexualized for their bodies and looks

Male Strip clubs. You’re thinking of male strip clubs.

No. Not a male strip club. A strip club is a strip club. I want a place called Cahones where waiters wear Speedos and are forced to stuff if they don’t fill out their uniform well enough. I want them to giggle for my tips. I want it to be so normalised and engrained in our culture that women bring their daughters there for lunch (because whaaaaaat the wings are good! Geeze sensitive much?) where they’ll give playful little nudges like, “Wouldn’t mind if you dad had those. Heh heh heh.” that their daughters don’t even understand but will absorb and start to assume is just the normal way grown up women talk about grown up men. I want to playfully ask my waiter if I can have extra nuts on my salad and for him to swat my arm with an Oh, you because he knows if he doesn’t his manager will yell at him. I want other men to pretend to like going there so I think they’re cool. I want to go to Cahones during my lunch break at work and when I come back and tell the other women in the office where I went they chuckle slightly and the men around us suddenly feel self conscious and they don’t know why.

12 Things you should do if you love someone 

1. Write them poetry even if it’s shitty. I don’t care if it’s fucking nonsense. Write how they make you feel like fire. 

2. Let them cry into your shirt. Let them wipe their snot and tears on you. It doesn’t matter if it’s your favorite shirt. If you love them you won’t care. 

3. Count the stars with them. When you see a shooting star. Tell them how you wished for them to kiss you. Then fucking kiss them. 

4. When they tell you they want to die. Look them in the eyes and whisper “I fucking love you.” Stay up with them all night and talk them out of it. Remind them that they extinguished the pain in your heart and say you’ll help do the same.

5. Bring them roses. I don’t care if they’re a boy or a girl. Roses will make anyone’s day. 

6. On the days they’re afraid they’ll lose you. Kiss their forehead, remind them that you love them more than you love your favorite band and then kiss their lips so passionately that they’re questioning themselves as to why they asked that question. 

7. Sing with them. They won’t care if your voice is shitty. They’ll be more focused on the redness of your cheeks than the rattle of your vocal chords. 

8. When they wake up in the morning tell them their beautiful. Say their messy hair and sleepy voice is the reason you get up in the morning. Tell them you live for their good morning smile. 

9. When they’re puking in a bucket because they’re sick, hug them. They’ll resist and say how there’s vomit all over them. Hug them anyways. It’ll mean the world to them. 

10. When you touch them, tell them that they are a masterpiece. Every curve of their body is beautiful. Especially their soul. Remind them that they are a supernova and you’d love them even if they exploded. 

11. On the days they make you want to tear your hair out, remind yourself that you picked them for a reason. Remember that you chose them and they chose you. 

12. Just fucking love them even when they don’t deserve it. 


m.n.

(Source: unscriptedconfabulationmn)


(Source: fyeahcanines)